Billboard Babies

I read an article today about a woman who wants to sell advertising space on her soon-to-be-born baby.  Michele Hutchison of Langhorne, PA is inviting advertisers to put their name on her baby's clothes and other things.  Her rationale is that everyone looks at babies.  Apparently she has listed this advertising space on eBay for a minimum bid of $1000 for the advertising rights for one month.

 

Now, why didn't I think of that?

 

What about advertising on toddlers? Realistically, ads could only be worn until the child was old enough to have any discerning taste about what he/she wears daily.  For my kids, their clothing independence started at around the same time they were potty training.  So you'd really only get a good 24 months or so of advertising out of each child.

 

What Mrs. Hutchison may not realize is that everyone fawns over that first baby.  Then, when you're out and about with the second baby, and the firstborn who is now a toddler, the picturesque mom-and-child aura can be less than perfect. 

 

I remember with my first baby a time when we were in Target.  Son started fussing, I started sweating and worrying about what others might think of me as a mother.  I scurried out of the store quickly to avoid embarrassment, leaving the contents of my trip in the cart. 

 

By the time I had my second baby, if I got a shower in before 11AM and managed to get to any store in that day, I was a bit more jaded.  If my baby daughter howled in the checkout line, I didn't really care what anyone thought about me or my kids.  Timing store trips between nap schedules of a baby and a toddler was a phenomenal feat, and I figured if I could get to that store, I wasn't leaving without my stuff.  I would still sweat and try to hurry if the baby was screaming or the toddler was crying, but I have to say not many people would have looked at the baby, they would generally just glare at me.  Maybe Mrs. Hutchison needs to sell advertising space on her clean shoulder?  (Moms always have a drooled-on shoulder and a clean shoulder.)

 

When I had baby 3, he was an easygoing fella.  Even though my baby was gorgeous, trips out and about became less frequent, as I realized that getting an infant, a 2yr. old, and a 4yr. old out the door looking clean, well-fed, and well-rested would be tantamount to a miracle.  When babies number 4 and 5 came, things got even more exciting.  I can't tell you how many times I'd get one kid ready, only to find another one had sucked the juice out of a black marker (think Alice Cooper style black drool), or had an explosive diaper situation requiring copious amounts of baby wipes and a large plastic bag.  It seemed like my babies always saved those diaper bombs for when they were in the baby swing or car seat.  What attempts to go downward and is blocked by a diaper will inevitably shoot skyward, resulting in an armpit-level hygiene emergency.  No advertiser would want that kind of negative publicity!

 

So perhaps I couldn't have earned many thousands of dollars advertising on my babies, as getting out of the house became more difficult with each child we had.  My gallivanting-about reduced dramatically, but my blessings increased geometrically.

 

Now that my youngest child is 5yrs. old, there are times that I look back upon the baby years, wishing they hadn't flown by so quickly.  The days were long, but the years have been fleeting.  I'm glad Michele Hutchison is blessed with another baby, and I think if she succeeds in her advertising and is able to continue being a stay-at-home mom, then more power to her.  May her little blessing bring her great joy.