I know many of you have issues with your pastor. Many more have probably been blessed by him or his family in some way over the past year. I think Focus on the Family got the whole "Pastor Appreciation Month" thing going a few years ago. For my part, I thought I'd share with you what your pastor's wife wishes she could tell you, but is afraid to do so for fear of repurcussions against her husband.
#1 If you have a problem with the pastor, go to him directly. Don't call your friends and get their opinions. That is gossip. Go directly to him, but FIRST pray and ask God to give you the words and timing, AFTER you've searched your own heart for any possible issues relating to whatever it is that is bothering you. Remember, you don't know what you don't know, and assumptions are not always based on truth. You won't know until you go to him directly, and in the meantime the enemy can have a field day in your mind, building a root of bitterness.
#2 Don't bring the problems you have with your pastor to his wife. Sometimes people do this so they don't have to approach him directly. His wife has enough pressure - be strong, pray yourself up, and don't chicken out by complaining to his wife. (Sorry to be so blunt!)
#3 Let your pastor know when he can help you. For instance, if you or a loved on is in the hospital, let him know. He cannot know these things unless you tell him.
#4 Make sure he has at least one full day off a week... then don't call him on that day unless it is a life-and-death critical emergency. If you don't know if your pastor has a day off a week, ask him. If he doesn't, then go to the elders or governing board and find out why. (The average pastor puts in over 70hrs. / week, and nearly 1500 leave the ministry each month in the U.S.)
#5 Don't pick on his wife. Let go of any critical comments you may have regarding her appearance, her housekeeping skills, her whatever, and never voice those things to her husband, ever. She may be the only close friend he has. You wouldn't want to be critiqued weekly, so don't do that to a sister in Christ.
#6 Pray for him regularly, that he would have a walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing Him. Pray that his heart would stay pure, and that his service to God would be a joy, not a burden.
#7 Keep your conversations brief after church. Your pastor may look just fine, but he's probably very tired and he's too polite to let you know. He needs to be able to go home, rest a bit, and do all the things you have to do on weekends. His family needs time with him, so if you must have an extended conversation, set something up for the following week in his office.
These are a few things that I think your pastor's wife would tell you, if she could. Being in the ministry is really neat, but there are some things that are inherently stressful.
Link: Jesus Cafe Article I wrote a few years ago.
Happy Clergy Appreciation Month!
