Ahhhh... Little Boys!

I love visiting Crystal's Biblical Womanhood blog. Crystal is a godly young wife and mother who is really leading an exemplary life. Today she posted in reference to questions she received from an anonymous mom of a 17 month old son who was, well, kinda going crazy chasing after the boy.

Since many of you out there in the blogosphere are in the same predicament as Anonymous, I'll let you in on a couple of my mothering secrets, for what they are worth.

Here's what I wrote in response to Crystal's request for comments from more experienced moms.

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As the mother of 3 boys and 2 girls, I can commiserate with Anonymous' post. Raising a boy is very different than raising a girl (wouldn't have believed it if I had not experienced both genders). Even among my 3 boys, 2 were relatively calm but 1 was not. Busy Curious George we used to call him!

Like many of the other moms here, I, too, recommend the use of a child gate to help the boy stay in his room when you need a little time to yourself. Make sure his room is safe for him - is he a drawer climber? Then remove the dresser until he is older. Make sure the window blind cord is beyond his reach. If need be, take everything out of his room except for his bed and some soft, safe toys, like books and stuffed animals. I know this sounds extreme, but he will in time learn more self control. Trust me.

Ultimately what you want to do is to help him learn self control - no small feat for a toddler son! When he indicates to you that he wants something, and his voice sounds impatient, use that as an opportunity to teach him how to speak to you. Example: If he shrieks at you to go outside, you say, "Would you like to go outside? Make your voice sound like this ______. Now you try it." Even if he is not good at speaking - most 17month olds are not - he can learn now how to use the proper tone when talking to you.

Say key phrases to him, for example:
"When you decide to talk to me nicely, I will listen to you."
"Use your feet and walk to your room now."
"When you are calm, you may join me."

There will be times when you will need to physically pick up your son and deposit him in his room. Sometimes we tell our children to go, but they don't respond quickly. In those cases, don't just stand there and yell commands to him to go, rather pick him up calmly and put him in his room. Secure the child gate. If this is for a daily quiet time, let him know that you have set the timer and it will ring in 1 hour. Get the timer at the Dollar Store. If he needs room time to calm down and not tantrum at you, let him know that when he is calm, he will be let out.

For the record, my now 17yr old son's first phrase was, "Done fussin', Mom!"

If you need a short time of the boy being occupied, utilize the high chair. Belt him in with fun things, like cheerios and yarn for necklace stringing, Duplos, a Magna Doodle, Play Doh or some other things that are reserved only for high chair time. Be certain you keep the chair sessions brief, and they will retain their allure. If possible keep high chair time things in a special box.

Do try to have fun times. Don't be rigid. Don't be quick to say no to reasonable requests. That being said, if he asks for instance to go outside, and it isn't a good time for you, tell him no. You are the grown up - be the grown up. If he has a melt down, tell him to go to his room until he is calm. You will need to do this many times but you will survive this stage of life, and so will he.

Whatever you do, don't compare your son to little girls. I did that - it wasn't good. My girlfriend had a little daughter who would sit for an hour and a half at church with nothing more than a little purse with a few trinkets in it. My son, same age, was having a hard time at that time sitting for more than 10 minutes without getting a serious case of the wiggles. I thought there was something wrong with my boy and my parenting. Not so. He was just different, and is now a happy, godly, delightful 17yr old.

Have reasonable expectations. God will use your son's active personality for His good will in due time.