Parenting's a Marathon, Not a Sprint

Those of you who know me in real life, or in the oft-times surreal life of online forums, know that my oldest child is seventeen years old. He will be eighteen in the spring. When kids reach certain milestones, moms and dads tend to reflect back on many things. Lately I've been thinking a lot about all the fear and trepidation I've had over the years as my oldest son has trudged through unknown territory for me, as a parent. He refers to himself as either "The Experiment Child" or "Alpha Child", as he's the oldest of five siblings.

I remember when I was pregnant with my son. I faithfully purchased "What to Expect When You're Expecting" and poured over every single page. Then, as I began to look pregnant, the unsolicited advice came flooding in:
- "Don't hold your baby too much or you'll spoil him."
- "Don't rock your baby to sleep or you'll spoil him."
- "Don't pick him up when he cries or you'll spoil him."
It seemed like everyone was very concerned that my baby would be spoiled.

As my due time got closer, then the horrible "My labor was like THIS..." stories started to crop up. Honestly, what are women thinking when they share the nitty-gritty details of the births of their children? How does this help any pregnant mom feel better about what is ahead for her? Does anyone have discretion anymore? Maybe it's just that our favorite subject to talk about is ourselves. But I digress.

With each subsequent child that I had, I cared less about what others thought. There was something so freeing about listening to someone attempt to teach me or scare me, then being able to smile, nod, and walk away. That being said, I'm not sure if everyone is like this, but there was still an underlying fear that I was somehow going to damage my firstborn in any given stage of his life, because he was The Experiment Child.

I remember calling up my dear friend Lee Ann when my son was around five years old, lamenting at the fact that I was still having to remind him to pick up his dirty socks (or some mundane thing like that) and saying, "I've been telling him this since he was two years old. Shouldn't he KNOW this by now???" My friend laughed and laughed, and replied, "Honey, I'm still telling my teenagers those same things." Sometimes the best thing a mom can do is talk to a mom who has walked ahead of her a few years, who loves her and who can help calm her down without the fear-mongering statements, like, "Just WAIT until he's a TEENAGER. Then you'll be in trouble!"

Now my son is almost eighteen. Time flies, whether you're having fun or not, right? But I will say that having children has been, and is, a lot more fun than I thought it would be. I do have reservations and regrets. I have sat down with my son and apologized for many things, most of them relating to my unrealistic expectations of him in his formative years. Example: I handed him Wayne Grudem's Systematic Theology in 8th grade with the idea that he could get some theology in. My son, being the great kid he is, dutifully tried to wrap his brain around the book, but to no avail. He came to me and said, "Mom, this is just too hard for me. Can I try something else?" We switched him over to something else when I realized this was a more college level book. Oops.

I am in an interesting season of life. My first little fledglings are preparing to leave the nest in the next few years, but I still have all the fun of having elementary aged kids in the home. This really helps me to savor things like plastic sword fights and dance classes and blanket tents and such. I have the wonderful opportunity to be the mentor mom in a MOPS group, so I get to hang around a bunch of young moms, to whom I get to say, "Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. Hold your babies tight because they will soon be grown and gone!" Best of all, I get to hold their babies, smooch those sweet little faces, and drink in that amazing baby smell. Ahhhhhhhhhhh. God is so good to me!

I feel like one of my life's purposes is to help young moms be more realistic in their expectations than I was. With the never ending plethora of parenting expert books on the market, what I see a need for is for seasoned moms to come along side the young moms and help them remain calm, encouraged, and reasonable in their expectations. Why? Because parenting truly is a marathon, not a sprint. We can do everything by-the-book, yet our kids will grow up to be who they are. I don't believe in determinism or the blank-slate tabula rasa theory of child rearing, but I do believe that one of the best things for a child is to have parents who are in control of their own tempers and tongues, and who walk in gentle strength in their homes.

More about this in upcoming posts. Time to get the Alpha Child up (who is Omega Child with rising in the morning).