The Cinderella Syndrome

I recently read a post on a homeschooling mom's chat board where a lovely woman poured out her heart about the stresses of keeping a tidy home, teaching three young children, and running a home business. She feels as though those in her family, specifically her husband, doesn't realize all she does to keep things running smoothly. As you can imagine, her life is very busy. Her struggle is with how little, if any, appreciation her family gives her for her very hard work. As a vibrant Christian woman, she is having a difficult time between knowing she's to serve others versus their taking advantage of her. She really wants to have a servant's heart, not what she calls a "Cinderella Syndrome".

The crux of her post is copied here:

At times I have feelings like hubby doesn't "get" what I do every day. Like he doesn't get what sacrifices I make to keep an immaculate home, dinner on the table, the bills paid, the budget balanced, the kiddos schooled, and be his wife. Did I mention run the business too?

Here is my response to her.

You sound like a perfectionist (this is NOT a bad thing) who is tired. You used the term "immaculate" when referring to how your house is kept. That alone could run the average woman into a constant state of tension. When we homeschool and have our kids around all day, even if they are highly "trained" the home will still need a lot of attention... actually an overabundant amount of attention if our goal is for the home to be immaculate.

Toss in the kids' education, plus running the business, plus balancing the budget and paying the bills, and it's no wonder you feel the way you do.

You need to ask yourself what God would have you do. Is He driving your goals and pressures?

You might say, "Well of course God is driving what I do. He is a God of order!" True enough, but I remember with Mary and Martha, that Jesus seemed to have a little lower view of what "had" to be done than what Martha thought must be done. Mary chose the better thing. We need to do that, too, and it's no less an exercise in self control than anything else in life that exalts itself against walking in the Spirit, in His peace.

You also sound very tired. From a practical perspective, what adjustments can be made so you have regular times of refreshing? It will be very difficult for you to ignore what may need to be done in order to restore your soul. This can be as simple as having a cup of tea out in your backyard (even though in your head the laundry screams to be done, the countertops may need wiping down, and your dd may need to review her spelling words). You must have those times of quiet peaceful reflection. You can control what you think about, but again it takes a lot of self control.

Think on things that are what? Pure, lovely, of good report...

Jesus Himself said that today had enough worries of its own, and not to trouble ourselves about tomorrow. He holds tomorrow in His hands, right?

I personally feel that many women struggle in their thought lives. We may not have issues with immorality in our hearts, or even pride or envy, but many of us do have issues with comparing ourselves either to each other or to our own standards... standards never placed on us by the Father.

Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you where you might make some changes that will help you to walk in more of a relaxed manner.

This may mean having dh do the bills. It may mean having your home be a little messier than you'd like for the sake of your own sanity. It might even mean moving again (this helped me tremendously!)

I know He will guide you, but He may tell you to let go of some of your high standards for a season of rest.
-------------------------------

After I posted this, I got a few comments from other moms about my advice. I wrote from life, not ideals. I, too, have struggled much with the Cinderella Syndrome. I hope my words will encourage some of you who read my blog, too.